5: how to battle imposter syndrome

in this week's episode, shelby talks about imposter syndrome and feeling like a fraud who is unworthy of your accomplishments. listen in for 3 mindset shifts to help you overcome imposter syndrome, learn why imposter syndrome happens (often due to perfectionism, insecurity, and self-doubt) as well as affirmations to help you when you're feeling like you don't belong or aren't worthy.

each episode covers a different mental health-related topic and has a "small step" or action for you to take on your self-love journey. tune in for today's small step and affirmations to help you battle self-doubt and feel worthy.

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Transcript

You are not a fraud. you deserve the good things that have happened to you. 

today we are talking about impostor syndrome and 3 mindset shifts to battle or overcome impostor syndrome, and I also have some affirmations for you to use whenever you are feeling like an impostor. 

so firstly, what is impostor syndrome? I asked on Instagram some of my followers about impostor syndrome if they've ever experienced it and 50% said they had but actually a lot of people said that they didn't even know what it was so I'm sure you have experienced it but it's a relatively not a new term but it's been talked about more and more lately so you may have heard of it and not been sure what it is so let's go over that first. 

firstly even though it's called a syndrome it is not a disease. Not something that can't be overcome, it is a mindset really. impostor syndrome is when you feel like a….shocker! an impostor in your own life. you feel like a fraud for the things that you've accomplished. you feel like you don't deserve what you have accomplished. you question why me or why did I accomplish this? why did I succeed in this? did I deserve to succeed in this? we feel like we aren't good enough to succeed, to accomplish our goals. impostor syndrome can hold us back from achieving success in our careers if we are questioning whether or not we deserve that promotion if we're questioning whether or not we do deserve a promotion we can be stuck in the same place same thing can happen in school if you're a student if you're leading a project or giving a presentation on a topic what makes you the expert? why have I earned this position? and we question will people see right through me will people realize that I am a fraud? 

so  if you're listening to this definition and thinking yes i have felt this before, know you are not alone and that is the first mindset shift that i want you to remember from this episode. now with these three mindset shifts maybe some will apply to you or resonate with you and others won't, so I want you to take from this episode what applies to you, what makes you feel like yes I can do this, I can shift my mindset and feel better about my impostor syndrome. 

so the first one is just knowing that you are not alone realizing that this is something that everyone goes through, even extremely successful people. one example that I always go to as a poet myself is Maya Angelou who openly talked about how she felt like an impostor. Maya Angelou has a quote actually about writing books and how she has faced impostor syndrome. she doesn't use that term specifically but she talks about how she when she sits down to write a book, she thinks like this is gonna be the one where people find out I've been playing this game on everybody, and this is gonna be the time that people find out and it's so funny to me as a writer who… she's one of my favorite writers and just knowing like other people who were extremely successful who are looked upon as one of the best writers, experience this too. 

one of the biggest doubts or fears that I've had is presentations I think I've talked about this in a past episode but I felt like no one really talked about the fear of public speaking with presentations I would always get imposter syndrome and also just self doubt and being super insecure about speaking in front of an audience or speaking in front of a group and it wasn't until I started actually talking about it and opening up about my fear that I found out that a lot of other people had it too so there were people that I looked up to in past jobs in school like in class in the classroom where I would kind of open up and say that I was feeling nervous about something or felt like I wasn't prepared I was feeling kind of like a fraud. Like I’m about to stand up in front of this audience and talk about something that you're supposed to be kind of an expert and are really knowledgeable about, but I don't feel that way and most of the time if not all of the time, whenever I would talk to someone about this they would say the same thing back they would say, “Oh yeah I always am nervous for presentations I always feel like I'm underprepared or like I'm going to mess up or like I didn't deserve this opportunity that I've been given. and it's one of those things that just makes you realize that you are not alone and how you're feeling that even the most confident people struggle with impostor syndrome and that we are all just trying to succeed.

the 2nd mindset shift is impostor syndrome that bad? is it a bad thing that we should be trying to avoid? I actually believe there are benefits to impostor syndrome and that might be an unpopular opinion I'm not sure I don't think it's a good thing when it holds us back from achieving our goals but I believe that it can actually help us strive for more whenever I experience impostor syndrome it's because I want to put my best foot forward I want to kind of prove to myself and to other people that I earned this thing that I am worthy of my achievements so when that impostor syndrome kicks in I have to prove to myself that I earned it so the next time you experience impostor syndrome rather than letting it hold you back from accomplishing that goal or from feeling like you are good enough to accomplish that goal of yours let it propel you into success one of the most prominent memories I have of impostor syndrome is whenever I actually started my poetry community the poetry club and I was leading our very first workshop and I was terrified I had LED some workshops before for other groups and for weeks leading up to it I was so nervous because people were signing up to learn from me and I just kept saying like why me why did they sign up for me? Why would anyone want to take a workshop with me? there are so many other amazing writers out there that deserve more that should be doing this instead of me and all of that all of these doubtful questions feeling like a fraud and in the beginning it kind of held me back from working on the workshop from thinking that I was going to do well with it.

I let it get to me I let it kind of fester and made me kind of procrastinate doing it but once I thought about it more and thought about why I was feeling this way it actually kind of kicked me in the butt and made me want to do my very best and made me put together this workshop and spend weeks on it and prepare and practice then all of the things that I could prove to myself that I earned it and so that I could prove to others that I earned it no I do want to kind of talk about that because I don't think that you always have to prove yourself I think that there are so many amazing talents that you have that I have and that it would be amazing if we could just kind of wake up one day and feel super confident about ourselves and know that we are going to accomplish whatever we set out to accomplish or whatever it may be that you're feeling imposter syndrome about and I think that that takes a lot of work and it takes a lot of practice.

it's similar to the self doubt episode that we talked about a few episodes back that it just takes a lot of work and it takes a mindset shift it takes really dedicated effort to overcome those self doubts looking at it is not a thing that holds us back but nothing that can propel us forward it doesn't have to be a bad thing.

the third mindset shift that I wanna talk about is looking from within at what is causing it so like I just said it can stem from a sense of self doubt and insecurities which I think plays into impostor syndrome so much. 

we're doubting our abilities to succeed or feeling like a fraud they're very much linked together so looking from within and saying why am I feeling insecure about this what can I do to overcome these doubts that I'm feeling about myself. it can stem from underestimating yourself and not realizing the immense talents and abilities that you have and it can stem from perfectionism: being too afraid to even start because what if it's not perfect. 

and that's something that I definitely struggle with is perfectionism but I have a message for perfectionists from page 86 of my book changing with the tides this is actually one of my favorites and one of the poems that I go back to the most to kind of remember that we don't have to be perfect page 86. 

to the perfectionists: there is not a soul on this earth that is perfect. there are no feet that have not stumbled and no eyes that have not cried. there are no lights that have not flickered and no flowers that have not dried. there is not a soul on this earth that is perfect. please don't be so hard on yourself. 

I think that impostor syndrome can also very much stem from comparison from comparing ourselves to other people our age and what they've accomplished before we have from comparing ourselves to people that we see on social media to getting into those numbers those vanity numbers like likes and follower count and all of that I know that I've questioned that we can compare to other people in our industry and our jobs there are definitely other writers that I have compared myself to in the past and I have to remind myself like no you've deserved this you've put in the work to deserve this and so have you you have put in the work you have the talents. 

and when it comes to comparison if you had an easy time accomplishing something that other people struggled with you might say did I really earn this did I really deserve to achieve this but you did you had the talents to achieve it you did and on the other hand we live in a world where we don't really see other people's failures a lot we see their highlight reels we see all of their successes but we don't really always see what it took to get there the struggles and the failures that it took to get there and so if you have a hard time accomplishing something that you've seen other people easily do which might not be the case but that's what we see you might say you didn't deserve succeed because of how many times you failed first but you did because you are resilient and you kept going.

so I have some affirmations for you that I want you to take with you. 

Small step and affirmations:

Today’s small step is to write down these affirmations or keep them somewhere close by that you can remember when you are battling imposter syndrome and there might be some that aren't on this list that you want to add yourself that will help you when you are feeling like an impostor or like a fraud. 

I deserve the good things that have happened to me. I am talented. I am worthy of success. I belong. my voice deserves to be heard. I have achieved so much and I will achieve much more. I have earned my accomplishments. I am confident in my abilities. I do not have to be perfect to succeed. I am worthy of good things.

I made affirmation cards for all of the affirmations I just read and I want to give them to you so if you want to receive these affirmations in your inbox subscribe to my newsletter at shelbyleigh.co/subscribe and you'll get these affirmations and a free self love print too. 

So write down these affirmations and keep them somewhere close by add your own and right through or talk through why you might be feeling like an impostor why you feel like you don't deserve these things does it stem from self doubt about a certain accomplishment that you've had does it stem from underestimating yourself does it stem from comparing yourself to other people and maybe there's some things you can kind of avoid to eliminate comparing yourself or try to reduce comparing yourself does it stem from a sense of wanting to be perfect and fearing that you're not going to be perfect taking a look at all of these things can really help you to overcome imposter syndrome or remembering that you are talented and capable and worthy of all of the success that you've had an that you will have more success remind yourself of all of that because it's true and i wanted to briefly tell you by working on a self love challenge that will be coming out at the end of the year. it'll be a live challenge that we're working on together to combat all of these insecurities and focus on loving ourselves. I can’t wait to tell you more about it soon.

Thank you so much for listening to small steps to self-love. If you enjoy these episodes, please leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, and subscribe wherever you’re listening or on YouTube where I share these episodes and more. Have a great week!