finding a support system for your mental health

chat with mental health poet shelby leigh and abi hayes about finding a suport system for your mental health, the importance of friendship during difficult times, and more!

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ABOUT ABI HAYES:
Abi is a poet, baker & coffee drinker living on the east coast of Scotland. She loves writing about the world around us, the connections between us and the universe within us. Abi’s debut book will be released later this year. Coffee & Wildflowers is an infusion of poems & recipes with a compelling love story weaving its way between the pages.

Instagram @abi_storyteller
Tik Tok @abi_storyteller

ABI'S NEW BOOK  

RESOURCES FROM SHELBY:

·        PREORDER MY NEW BOOK

·        check out Shelby’s mental health poetry books

·        Free self-love poetry print

·        Join the poetry club

·        Get help with marketing as a writer

CONNECT WITH SHELBY:

·        Instagram: @shelbyleighpoetry

·        YouTube: Shelby Leigh Poetry

·        TikTok: @shelbyleighpoetry

·        Twitter: @shelbyleighpoet

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Transcript

Shelby:

Hello, welcome back to another episode of Small Steps to Self-love. My name is Shelby Leigh. I am a mental health writer and poet and today I am joined by a special guest, Abi Hayes. I'm so excited to have her. We, I think, met around a year ago. Abi was like one of the first people to join the Poetry Club, and you've been a part of the gang ever since. And I think that's how I met you. She's just a ray of sunshine, so sweet, so lovely in the poetry community. So I'm really excited to have her and I'm just going to go ahead and pass it over to you Abi to introduce yourself a little bit more.

Abi:

Oh, thank you so much Shelby. What a lovely way to be introduced. The poetry Club has done so much for my writing this year. I feel like I found it at the exact right time. I've been writing for a few years. I joined a creative writing group, actually as a way to meet people when I moved to a new place. And actually it was brilliant for that. I made really meaningful connections by joining a group of people who have, you know like-minded interests. So that was brilliant and now I feel like with the with the poetry Club, I've done the same. I've got this sense of belonging. It's so lovely to have the encouragement. I think that's what I what I was lacking a little bit with my writing was my self-belief and the idea that I can actually make this into a book. So it has been a lovely year with the poetry club.

Shelby:

I'm so happy to hear that. Thank you. Do you want to tell us a little bit about your book that you just mentioned? 'cause it's a really clever idea. I'm really excited for it.

Abi:

It's uhm, this book has been a journey. Because it involves all of my creative passions and I, you know, that's one thing that the poetry club has helped me with as well is that I always thought like I need to focus. I need to find my creative focus and choose one thing. And then actually I came to this group of multi passionate creatives and realized I can do the baking, I can do the music, I can do the poetry and it can all be part of one book. So it's a poetry and recipe collection, and the recipes are influenced by the poems, and there's a short story weaving its way throughout as well. And so the main character, Hattie, it's all from her viewpoint and, and it's her recipes. So the poems have this theme running through them of a sense of finding the longing, finding your community, finding your place in the world, and Hattie goes through this heartbreaking loss of her grandmother who was her only real family and she then creates a family for herself and that's the themes you know running throughout the book.

Shelby:

I love that this book is so beautiful. The recipes are also very tasty. I did taste test and make some recipes so I'm really excited for this book to be out. I think it's so awesome it's just such an awesome idea and definitely proved you can combine the multiple passions, so diving into our topic, which you know we talk about mental health and self-love on this podcast, could you tell us a little bit about what your own self-love journey has looked like this far?

Abi:

So I think that my self-love journey, it's kind of an ongoing and changing relationship. You know, the different things that I need at different stages of my life and growing up I was very independent. I come from a big and busy family, so I was used to doing lots for myself. But then you know as I got older I would get a bit overwhelmed and not know how to ask for help, so I think the connections in my life my husband, my family, my friends have all played this huge part in helping me ask for help. It's so important to know to be aware of yourself, that it's OK not to carry it all by yourself. You know, and then not to withdraw and isolate yourself when you're going through a tough time. Because people are there. They want to help you and we really are, you know human beings, we want to help each other. So my biggest, I think my biggest struggle has been asking for help and now it's really helped me overcome so much.

Shelby:

Yeah, I love that. I really love that and I think Abi has an amazing poem on isolation and kind of what we're just talking about. So would you mind reading that for us? Abi, I'd love to hear it.

Abi:

Yeah, so this one is written from the perspective of Hattie in my book, and it definitely covers that theme of when you're struggling and you isolate yourself from but then coming back to the beauty and being seen. So this is vanishing act. Some people move to the city in search of a life to shout about. She moved to the city to whisper into a sea of quiet anonymity to be swallowed whole by overbearing buildings and roaring traffic. To hide among tree lined streets paved with homes and lives she could get lost in. In this city she is, nobody irrelevant, vanishing into the crowd. In this city, she learned the art of disappearing and lost the beauty of being seen.

Shelby:

That's wonderful, can you talk a little bit about like what you were feeling as you wrote that? Or what kind of led you to writing that poem?

Abi:

Yeah, it's just this idea that, you know, sometimes we feel like isolating ourselves and withdrawing from is the way that we heal, and sometimes that is. You know, sometimes we do need that time by ourselves, but then when you do that, you lose that connection and you lose that beauty of being held in your vulnerability. And I think that's what Hattie realizes in this story. Is that actually she doesn't want to be vanishing into a crowd anymore, she wants to be seen and she wants to be held. And that is part of her self-love journey.

Shelby:

Yeah, that's lovely. I think being vulnerable is so powerful. So I think that poem touches on that very well. Thank you for sharing. If someone is really hesitant to ask for help or I don't know, just shy about doing that, what would you recommend they start with? How would they kind of overcome that?

Abi:

I think it's really hard to be vulnerable, you know? It's actually a very brave thing to do. And actually, the character in my book, Hattie, she definitely came from a place where she would isolate herself a lot and then learned to ask for help when she was struggling. I know that I find when I am more connected to my children, to my husband, to my friends in my community, I then feel more connected to myself as well. And the more balanced I feel in life. But it's hard. It's hard to get to that point where you can you do feel like you can ask for help and I do think it's the people around you that you surround yourself itself with that you feel safe with, you know that you feel that you can be vulnerable with, so it's all about knowing who makes you feel like the best version of yourself. And who knows you and who knows what you need as a person. I don't even have to say anything to my friends and they know they know what I need. And they can sense it, it's. But you know, there's a part in my book where it's “Surround yourself with the people who hear you in the silence”, and I think that is what makes those connections so special.

Shelby:

Yeah, that's a beautiful, beautiful quote. I love that and I love what you said about how asking for help from others has helped you kind of find yourself more. I think that's really interesting and something that's so important to remember. So you kind of touched on this a little bit, but if you want to maybe go a little bit more in depth or in terms of how support from friends and family has helped you on your self-love journey or your mental health journey in addition to finding yourself which we just talked about.

Abi:

Yeah, I think friendship in itself is one of the most genuine and generous relationships. You know those people choose you, they choose you over and over, and I think that is so special. So whatever your support network is, whether that's your family or your community, those are the people that show up for you, and it's not even on your good days. It's on your bad days. It's when you don't have that self-love for yourself. They have it for you and that can just bring you back to yourself. They'll show you the compassion that you're not showing yourself.

Shelby:

That's so true. I've definitely been someone who hasn't always gone to people and just kept it all inside for a large portion of my life I think, so hearing all of this from you is really really helpful for me too, who sometimes still struggles with reaching out to people, but knowing that family’s there for me, friends are there for me. They're choosing to be there for me, which I think is really, really important, and knowing that I'm there for them too so it shouldn't feel like a selfish thing, right? I feel like that's another thing that people might think is like feeling selfish about reaching out for help or wanting advice. But it's a two way relationship, so I think that's something that's important to remember too.

Abi:

Absolutely, and I think that's the healthiest relationship when it is, you know I want to help my friends as much as they will want to be there for me. You know, and you know each other so well that you can be there for them.

Shelby:

Right, exactly. Yeah, like I've never been bothered by a friend asking for help, so why should I think that they'd be bothered by me asking for help?

Abi:

Well, yes, yeah, exactly.

Shelby:

Yeah, yeah so. What about someone who doesn't feel like they have a support system in their family. Or maybe they don't have close friends. Where should someone start in finding support? I know that's kind of a large question, but I feel like there might be someone listening who might be feeling that way.

Abi:

Yeah, I mean it's such a hard thing to do 'cause you really do have to be proactive about it as well. I mean, I've moved several times and started in new places and the first thing I do is I think about my hobbies are the things that I love that I don't have to do, but I choose to do because when you ask people about their hobbies, their eyes light up like they could talk all day, whatever that hobby is. They love it. So the first thing I do is I try and find some kind of class or club. And that's exactly what I did when I first moved to this this village in Scotland that I'm at now and I met a group of lovely like-minded people. And it's about those connections with people. So that's the first thing I would do. Also, volunteering, if you volunteer, you know in your community. If you've got the time to. You can meet people that way and then you can help people at the same time. Like I said my book coffee and wildflowers. It is about Hattie building this community for herself and finding that sense of belonging, and it is hard and especially for her character, she is going through grief at the same time and that's you know, those tough things happen in life. And it's hard to find those connections, but it is about trying to find those people that are gonna have similar interests to you and surrounding yourself with the encouragement and the support. But also, you know online now as well, it's opened up. I've met loads of like meaningful relationships through the poetry club and online communities and through passions that we share.

Shelby:

Yeah definitely. I'm the same way. I've met a lot of people through online communities. But also yeah, trying to find something in person if you can. If you're able to get to an in-person event of some sort to kind of meet other people who have the same hobby as you, I feel like that's such an amazing connection to have with someone, so that's really great advice. Yeah, so I always love to have my poetry guests read a poem of theirs so everyone can get a taste of your amazing work, so would you mind reading a poem for us today?

Abi:

I would love to so this one is called hold still. And I wrote it, it was a poetry club prompt and it evolved from that. So this is hold still. Sometimes it feels like the entire world rests between the blades of my shoulders. I bend beneath the weight, hoping it won't break, and that's when you show up for me. You help me find my balance. Suddenly life feels lighter as I lean into your stillness. Take time to pause and rest. You remind me no one will love me any less. And there are still times when I stumble and fall trying to keep up with it all but you've taught me to be gentle with myself with my soul to trust my intuition, turn inwards when I'm searching quiet the outside noise and remember that I'm worthy.

Shelby:

Beautiful, I love that. Was that written about someone in particular that you want to shout out? Or was that just a friendship poem in general?

Abi:

It was actually a friendship poem in general. You know my friends mean so much to me. And I think they know that, but I think it's still nice to sometimes just let them know.

Shelby:

Yeah, definitely, definitely. That's so lovely. Well, I think that was everything we wanted to cover today. This was so wonderful having you and chatting about the importance of a support system and kind of that found family notion of finding that support system that really helps you through hard times. So thank you for sharing all of that and helping other people who are listening feel like they can do that too, and they can reach out and ask for help.

Abi:

Thank you so much for having me.

Shelby:

Yeah, definitely. Where can people find you and learn more about your book and everything that you do on social media and everything?

Abi:

So I mainly use Instagram and my handle is Abi_storyteller and then it's the same on Tiktok. And hopefully you will find my book scene as well.

Shelby:

It's so exciting. All right, awesome. Well, I'll put those links in the description too. And if the book is out by the time this episode is out, I'll put that in the description as well so people can find it. But this is so wonderful. Thank you again for joining me and I hope everyone listening has a wonderful week filled with self-love and compassion and kindness. Thanks for listening.