Timid to Confident: An Introvert's Guide to Speaking Up

In the latest episode of Small Steps to Self-Love, we dive deep into the topic of self-celebration and embracing our unique greatness with confidence expert Kristie Kennedy. We talk about celebrating ourselves in private, creating a vision board, dressing for confidence, and how to grow confidence as an introvert.

Tune in to today's episode for actionable tips and advice for growing confidence in yourself!

About Kristie:
Kristie Kennedy, The Image Confidence Expert is a TEDx Audacious Leadership Keynote Speaker and Authentic Lifestyle Author. As the owner of Queenfidence Global Image Consulting her electrifying inspirational gift empowers visionaries with confidence and clarity keys to find their voice, free their voice and look fabulous using their voice. She specializes in four areas of peak performance: mindset mastery, massive momentum, magnetic messaging and potential maximization. She is a Certified Radical Resilience Coach who builds powerhouse mindsets, equipped for success. Kristie's evocative teaching style elevates your self-perception from stuck to unstoppable, invisible to invincible and timid to tenacious. Her bodacious belief is a testament that you can shift from mediocrity to magnificence one daring action step at a time.

Find Kristie at www.queenfidence.com 

About Shelby:
Shelby is a mental health author, who has grown an audience of more than 500,000 on social media who resonate with her work. She is the author of 3 poetry books, including her latest release, girl made of glass and her bestselling book, changing with the tides. Shelby also runs an online poetry community, and helps authors market themselves and their books for more sales.


resources from shelby:

·        check out Shelby’s mental health poetry books

·        Free self-love poetry print

·        Join the poetry club

·        Get help with marketing as a writer

connect with shelby:

·        Instagram: @shelbyleighpoetry

·        YouTube: Shelby Leigh Poetry

·        TikTok: @shelbyleighpoetry

Transcript

Shelby Leigh [00:00:00]:

Hi, everyone. Welcome back to the Small Steps to Self Love podcast. My name is Shelby Lee. I am a best selling mental health and self love writer. And today I am joined by Kristie Kennedy, the image confidence expert. She is the owner of Queenfidence Global Image Consulting and really helps people find confidence and clarity and use their voice. So I'm really excited to chat with you today, and I would love to just pass it over to you to introduce yourself and tell us more about what you do.

Kristie Kennedy [00:00:29]:

Thank you, Shelby. It is an absolute honor to be here. First and foremost, I am Kristie Kennedy. I'm from Sarasota, Florida, originally about midway in Florida, and I grew up as an only child. I was the shy, timid one. I was the one that was always an in school suspension. I was the one least likely to succeed. And so when we fast forward to today, I've utilized all the things that I've learned personally to overcome my own shyness, my own fear of public speaking. I've trained models, I've worked in day spas. I do mental and emotional wellness coaching for executive leaders. And I literally wrap that all up in one word, queen force. How can we restore confidence when confidence is lost? How can we build confidence when we never had it before? Because I've walked this path so intimately, had many painful moments, nights, cried my eyes out. And so it's my hard work, it is my legacy work to give back. I believe that free people. Free people. And so I am excited to be here and just to share a few of my jewels from the journey.

Shelby Leigh [00:01:38]:

Amazing. I've definitely struggled with confidence as well and can relate to the shy, timid aspect that you just shared. So I'm definitely excited for this conversation and to take some tips for myself as well. Could you tell us a little bit more about your journey with introvertedness and confidence? And what was that first step? What did that look like to start breaking out of your shell and finding your voice?

Kristie Kennedy [00:02:04]:

One of my favorite quotes is, no one is you, and that is your power. I believe the heart of my transformation lies in accepting who I was as a very unique, creative, wild, free spirit and being comfortable enough to allow people in. One of the first questions that I asked myself, Shelby, was, who am I? Three words. Who am I? Just so simple. But it's so powerful, because when we get to the heart of who we are, we can learn to embrace every aspect of ourselves. I often say we are whole, we are complete, we are fulfilled from within, but we have to be willing to accept all the parts that make up the whole.

Shelby Leigh [00:02:56]:

Definitely, that makes a lot of sense. Would you describe yourself as an introvert? I know when we talked about this episode, you brought up introvertedness, and I'm curious how you work with introverts, how that might differ from working with extroverts and also how that might impact or relate to self confidence. Is there a relation there?

Kristie Kennedy [00:03:15]:

Yes, absolutely. What I often hear from my introverted leaders is they don't feel they have the ability to be able to, one, get their point across, because oftentimes they're stuck in rumination. They're constantly in that loop, they're overthinking. And so by the time the introvert does speak up, a desire to speak up, the meeting is over. One way I help them is I tell them, insert yourself and assert yourself. You can break the ice. Be the first to break the ice. Because have you ever been in those meetings, Shelby? And literally, it's that first question that's answered or the first opportunity to speak is awkward and everyone's trying to figure out who's going to be the first to break the ice. That's the introvert's opportunity. We call that opposite action. It's doing the exact opposite of what you may normally do. We got to break out of our own patterns. Introversion is just a personality type. One and two, we talk about shyness. People often have this misconception that introverts are shy. Now, I was a shy introvert initially. I learned how to be bold. I trained myself, because any thought can be challenged, any thought pattern can be disrupted. So for the introvert to start becoming more confident in those spaces where they operate extrovert personality traits, which is just finding energy in social settings. Introverts versus the extrovert. The extrovert, as we know, recharges with people in social settings. So if the introvert starts cultivating a thought pattern that says, in social settings, I will speak up, what happens is the body follows the mind. Do you see that? They just have to create a whole new story that supports the change.

Shelby Leigh [00:05:08]:

Interesting. Yeah, I definitely struggled with this and struggled with speaking up. And I feel like over time, as you do speak up more or you do maybe presentations more and things like that, it gets so much easier. Do you find that as well? Is that something you recommend to step out of your shell? Just go for it, try it, practice it more and more and it gets easier?

Kristie Kennedy [00:05:28]:

Yes. Hands down. One of the fastest ways to move through anxiety, Shelby, is through action. And our mind is going to feel counterintuitive in the moment, but it really is in the practice. I often tell my clients, the power is in the practice. When you talked about what was some of the first steps you did to break out of that shell, it was taking action. I specifically remember when the last time that I sing also, I sing and speak, but I remember singing a public performance and I looked at the people and they did not look happy with my performance. I dropped the mic, literally, and ran out the building. Well, do you know, I had to come back full circle ten years later, if I was going to conquer that fear, I had to pick the mic back up and do it all over again. And I sang the very same song. So what I'm saying is, if we're going to confront our fears, we have to be willing to do it afraid.

Shelby Leigh [00:06:27]:

Yeah, absolutely. That's great advice. And in terms of this is a self love podcast, we talk a lot about building self love. Have you noticed an increase in self love as confidence has increased? Do you notice that in your clients? And how do you recommend, if you're really struggling with confidence, that you can build on that self love for yourself?

Kristie Kennedy [00:06:51]:

I absolutely do see that one. I personally start with self compassion. That was a part of my foundation reestablishing who I was after heartache pain, after loss, anytime I'm going through something challenging, I'm returning back to love. I believe there's so much power in love, especially as women, because oftentimes we can berate ourselves. I often hear women say, I'm guilty. Even my mothers, the mothers say, I am guilty just for taking some time for I'm feeling guilty for taking time for me. And I often say that you deserve to be a recipient of that same goodness you extend to others. And so we have to one, give ourselves permission to receive. As women, we're naturally nurtures. We just extend ourselves. We can overextend ourselves, for that matter, because we just want to be supportive and helpful. And so what I often start with is I'll ask my clients, let's create a prompt. I give myself permission to and they'll fill in the blank. And some of them, they're in tears because they're hearing themselves saying, I have the power to change my life, change my emotional state, change my mental state, change my relationship if I just give myself the green light to do something different.

Shelby Leigh [00:08:14]:

How long do you feel like it takes? Of course it takes personal work and action on the side of the client, but working with you or just working themselves on their confidence and starting to speak up, how long do you feel like it takes before you can really start to notice a difference?

Kristie Kennedy [00:08:32]:

I promise you, Shelby, one session later. One session. I start with one session. And this is the caveat. It's the willingness. I see it every single week, five days a week. The individuals that get the fastest results, they have a willingness to change, no matter how uncomfortable it is. And some clients will come back and they'll have literally five to ten wins. Some will come and they'll say, I just couldn't get out of my head. I'm feeling stuck. And for me, as a coach, that is one of the most difficult things to hear, because I know it's their thoughts more than likely getting in the way, impeding their progress. See, the mind is so sophisticated. It is a very powerful instrument, and it can work for us or it can work against us. And when we learn how to work with our minds, this is when we become unstoppable.

Shelby Leigh [00:09:27]:

Yeah, definitely. I work with in a different way. I work with authors on marketing, and a lot of the times it is that mindset that they're afraid to put themselves out there and talk about themselves and promote themselves, it can definitely be a scary thing. It's something that I've struggled with, too. It's like a line between bragging about yourself and all of that. So I'm curious for those introverts out there, those people who doubt talking about themselves in interviews, presentations, just getting your name out there, what tips would you give to people who are struggling with something like that?

Kristie Kennedy [00:10:02]:

To your own horn? I'll just say, broadcast your brilliance. I heard it recently from a client, and I can still hear her in my head, and I've been sitting with it. She said, I find it hard to celebrate myself because I feel like it's taking away from someone else. And that was very disturbing to me, because you think about what we do every single day, the effort and the energy that we put into the world to contribute, to make it a better place. We absolutely deserve to hear applause from ourselves. And I believe it starts with us going back to practice. Everything is a practice. Shelby so how I started celebrating myself unapologetically? Yes, I started with mirror work. I look in the mirror every single day to this day, and I'm about to be 49 years old, and I celebrate. Christie I have a journal that I use, my intentional journal. What are you grateful for? So there are so many ways that I'm celebrating with myself alone, because I often say, what happens in private, it's going to be amplified in public. So more than likely, if an individual is not celebrating themselves in public, they're not doing it in private.

Shelby Leigh [00:11:16]:

Yeah, definitely. I think we've talked about celebrating ourselves in past episodes and just how important that is. And we also bring up journaling a lot, which is something that you mentioned. Gratitude journaling. Is that a daily practice for you? Do you have a specific prompt that you write each day? Or how does that look for you?

Kristie Kennedy [00:11:33]:

Yes, I have a creative mind. I'm a thought leader. I'm a visionary one. And so I live, eat, breathe, sleep, thoughts. I was getting my pedicure over the weekend, and I had the journal right there. And I literally started writing notes to self. So that is one way that I do it. My daily intention, I'll just create something new. Like I can go back to Friday. I woke up and I knew that I had a full schedule. I had an interview coaching all day. I had other deadlines that I was working with, like three deadlines. And I said, I choose gliding over, grinding. So that is me just scripting how I want to be in that full day. So sometimes it's just tailormade to the day. Sometimes it's just a prompt that's already created, and I utilize the journal prompts. I also, at the end of the day, I do my reflections with gratitude. So there are so many books that I'm using on a daily basis. One, because I love variety. So no journaling practice is the same every single day. My journaling practice is extensive. Right now, I'm changing my diet. So I'm journaling about the weight loss journey and what I'm experiencing. I'm observing every little thing from the dreams that I have and see. This is the piece, too, that most individuals aren't willing to do. It's the observation piece. Most people know me as a power. All the work that I do, the internalizations, the reflections, the measurements, it takes time to study yourself, to expand and recreate yourself from the inside out. For this new year, I did three vision boards when normally I do one. This is the first time I did three the woman, the wife, and the work. And I said I wanted to make sure that I was showing up powerfully in all those spaces, professionally and personally. Right. Well, I have 25 vision boards, six vision books. To this day, I live, I eat my own thoughts. That's why I don't need external validation. And this is another piece that hinders individuals in their confidence levels because they're seeking outside validation. Many women won't take the first step because they're looking for somebody to say, yes, you can do it. No. I teach my clients how to green light themselves. Green light your own. Greatness.

Shelby Leigh [00:13:55]:

Yeah. That's such an important point about external validation. Okay, I'm so intrigued by these vision boards. Can you tell us how you start that, how you put that together? Because that's definitely something that I always want to do. And I see them, but I never have actually done one myself.

Kristie Kennedy [00:14:11]:

Yes, and there is no right or wrong with vision boards. It literally is you going wild with your imagination. How I set my vision boards, I probably have more words than a natural vision board creator because I live by words. So I believe that it's important for you to speak a language and create a picture, an image, a collage of thoughts that resonates most with your own personal style. Now I focus more so on the emotion. What is it that I'm trying to create? Because I know that mood can move me. And if I am in the best mood, the best state, it makes it easier to execute my daily task. So there are days when I may be in a slump. I literally will tune into one of my vision boards, and I'm reminding myself this literally is my own personal note to self. Remember what you said. This is how you hold yourself accountable. And so I honestly believe that as a result of our thoughts, we create a new reality. Because research even shows that 95% of our behaviors are driven by the subconscious mind. You think about it's the thing that we have on repeat every single day. Most often we're not thinking new thoughts unless we are intentional about designing new thoughts. That's why I get up and have the practice of let's create a brand new thought. Think about your computer. The software is constantly updating. It's time to update the software so it can operate optimally. And that's what we want to do as leaders because you may get a promotion now. You have to think at higher levels. You have to be someone different for that role if you're going to be effective and efficient in that role. So with the vision board, all it is is just a map for the mind saying, this is where we're going now. I know where we've been, but this is where we're focused now.

Shelby Leigh [00:16:05]:

It's so interesting. I love the analogy to the computer and new thoughts each day because it's so true. We ruminate in the past a lot, think about things we've already done, but there's a whole future ahead of us and new thoughts and new ideas and new ways that we can be really so I love that concept. That's really helpful to wrap up. So in every episode, I give my listeners a small step to take with them on their self love journey. It's called small steps to self love. I feel like you've already shared so many tips that everyone can take away. But if there was one thing this week that our listeners should take away and do as a small step toward their self love, toward building more confidence, what is that one step that they should take?

Kristie Kennedy [00:16:53]:

I want to challenge your listeners to dress for success. Because recently I've been hearing a lot, especially with individuals working remotely, they've let themselves go in their grooming. If you look good, you start to feel good. And if you feel good, honey, you are good. And so I want them to start with the grooming. If you've gone relaxed and you're just wearing your gray jogging pants, I want you to put on color this week. I want you to do your hair intentionally. Not the ponytail, but do your hair, style it. And ladies, put your makeup on. Put your best on. Dress for success. Dress to impress and dress for progress. That's where we want to start and let's just start feeling better.

Shelby Leigh [00:17:40]:

No, I love that. And I was just saying that to my partner the other day because I'm like, I used to dress up. I just have been sitting in my sweatpants all the time now being at home. So I actually needed to hear that tip too. And I'm going to do it at least one day this week. I don't know about every single day, but I'm going to start small and make it happen. Great advice. Thank you. Well, I feel like there's been so many good tips about confidence and progress and growing and all of that, so thank you so much for sharing all of your advice with us this week. It's really meant a lot to our listeners and to me. And I'd love to just close with where people can find you if they'd like to learn more about you.

Kristie Kennedy [00:18:23]:

After listening to this episode, you can find me at queenfidence.com

Shelby Leigh [00:18:33]:

Love it. Love the title. And I'll have that link in the description of the podcast episode as well. Thank you, everyone, for listening. Thank you, Kristie, for being here. This is wonderful. And I'll talk to you guys next seek.