Prioritizing Self-Care: Time Management and Mini Moments

On this episode of Small Steps to Self-Love, we explore the importance of redefining self-care and finding mini moments for self-care throughout the day. We also discuss strategies for effective time management and how to prioritize self-care activities over other tasks. We also dive into identifying our needs and values, overcoming negative beliefs, and building a positive relationship with ourselves.

Our guest speaker is a former speech pathologist turned life coach, specializing in time management and productivity tips for busy moms.  Join us as we explore the different ways we can prioritize and care for ourselves!

About Theresa:
Theresa Harp is a military spouse, mother of four, and owner of Theresa Harp Coaching. She was a certified speech-language pathologist before leaving the field to pursue certification as a life and productivity coach for busy moms. Theresa provides 1:1 coaching for women who want to take back control of their time at home and in their business so they can focus on the things that bring them joy. When not working in or on her business, Theresa enjoys spending time with her husband and young children, reading, and chasing after Tug, the family goldendoodle. 

Connect with Theresa:

http://www.theresaharp.com/ 

Instagram: @theresamharp

About Shelby:

Shelby is a mental health author, who has grown an audience of more than 500,000 on social media who resonate with her work. Her bestselling book, changing with the tides, is a poetry collection about self-love, doubt, insecurities, and more. Her new collection, girl made of glass, was recently released and is a collection about self-love, isolation, and fear. Shelby also edits poetry, runs an online poetry community, and helps authors market themselves and their books for more sales.

 resources from shelby:

·        check out Shelby’s mental health poetry books

·        Free self-love poetry print

·        Join the poetry club

·        Get help with marketing as a writer

connect with shelby:

·        Instagram: @shelbyleighpoetry

·        YouTube: Shelby Leigh Poetry

·        TikTok: @shelbyleighpoetry

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Transcript

Shelby Leigh [00:00:00]:

Hi, everyone. Welcome to another episode of Small Steps to Self Love. This is Shelby Lee, a mental health writer and self love advocate. And today I am joined by Teresa Harp. We're going to be talking about time management and how it relates to anxiety and, of course, self love. So I'd love to pass it over to you, Theresa, to just introduce yourself and tell us more about what you do. 

Theresa Harp [00:00:23]:

Hi, Shelby, and hello to your audience. Thank you for having me on. First of all, I'm excited. I feel very passionate about this topic, so I'm pumped to talk about it with you. So I was a speech pathologist and turned life coach. I now work as a life coach. I focus primarily on time management and productivity for busy moms. I am a busy mom myself, and as I was growing my private practice before I got into coaching, I was growing my family at the same time. And I had four kids very close in age. So it really led me down this path of time management strategies and then also mindset strategies and just loved it so much. So now that's what I do day in, day out.

Shelby Leigh [00:01:12]:

Awesome. That's really cool. Can you tell us a little bit about your journey with self love? And I think you mentioned anxiety when we were talking about this episode, what that has kind of looked like for you.

Theresa Harp [00:01:25]:

Yeah. So personally, when I had my twins, after my twins were born, I had postpartum depression and looking back, maybe some anxiety as well. And I know that now, through my training, that those symptoms can really resemble each other and it can sometimes be hard to discern. And that really kind of continued through my kids off and on. It's been about seven years of those highs and lows of navigating moments or periods of feeling the depression or feeling some anxiety. And that can absolutely get in the way. Of course, as a mom, you're already sort of losing a sense. You feel like you're losing a sense of yourself. And that was very prevalent for me, this whole identity of, now, who am I? And you're taking care of so many other people, and it consumes your time and your energy that sometimes it's very hard to remember that you yourself are someone who needs to be taken care of. And when you have depression or anxiety thrown on top of that, it can become even more challenging, as I know you know, to really keep yourself on that list, on that list of priorities. And so it's not just not just about the time. The time is certainly a challenging factor, but it's also about the relationship that you have with yourself and the beliefs that you have about yourself and being worthy of your time. So strategies are great. You also really need to sort of look under the hood, so to speak, and start dissecting. What are those thoughts that you have that go through your head about you and how you spend your time and being worthy of your time and really allowing yourself the opportunity to continue to build that relationship that you have with yourself while you're also at the same time building relationships with these tiny humans.

Shelby Leigh [00:03:35]:

Yeah, definitely. I feel like, too, there's this misconception around depression or like when you're in a depressive episode with time management and you're not being productive, you're maybe feeling lazy, or people might perceive you as that way, which is certainly not the case. So I'm just curious, in your work with busy moms and your work with yourself, how do you show yourself love in those moments relating to time management? How are they kind of correlated?

Theresa Harp [00:04:02]:

Yeah. When you mentioned, I don't know if you use the word procrastination, but just sometimes we feel like you said lazy and we feel like we aren't doing what we should be doing. And so a lot of times what we do then is try to overcompensate and sort of punish ourselves to get as much done as we can. And that really backfires because what I found for me and many of my coaching clients is really in those moments, we're experiencing burnout. And I know that that word gets thrown around a lot and probably overused, but I also think that some of us discount the experiences and the feelings that we have because we don't think that we can't justify being burnout. Like, well, no, I mean, I'm a mom, but everybody else is a mom, so I mean, everyone else is doing all these things, so what's wrong with me? Why am I not able to do what they're doing? And why am I so tired? We judge ourselves, right? And we shame ourselves. We feel shame about the way that we're feeling and about the thoughts that we're having. So one of the biggest things that's been helpful for me is really getting very clear on what my needs and values are and asking myself, okay, what do I need to do in the day to feel like I'm operating at the best capacity, firing on all cylinders, so to speak. And it's important to come back to this, right, because it changes over time. Some of it may remain the same, but it also can change. So I remember when my twins were born, I remember a friend of mine, her mother said, teresa, you better get your ass I don't know if I can curse. You better get out of bed. You better get out of bed and shower every day because you don't do that. And I was like, yes, you're absolutely right. I know me personally, if I don't get up and shower, I just don't feel good. It's just what I need to do. So that just kind of stuck with me. So identifying what those things are for yourself and starting there and then once you have some moments of victory, so to speak, then building in even more activities and time to do things that you actually love to do, that you like to do, that you love to do, that you enjoy doing. So it's not just the things that you need to do to function, but also the things that you really want and love to do as well.

Shelby Leigh [00:06:32]:

Yeah, definitely. So if I'm someone who has this super busy schedule, I feel like I have no time to build in that self care or those types of hobbies or passions. What would you recommend to someone like that?

Theresa Harp [00:06:45]:

Yeah, it's such a good question because it comes up so often, the first thing I would say is rethink and redefine self care. So sometimes we think that it's an all or nothing aspect, right? And so one of the things that I teach a lot about is restructuring or reshaping and reconsidering how we do those activities. So instead of doing, like, going and getting an hour long massage or sitting down and reading a book for an hour whatever it is that you would want to do for your self care, maybe you're just not in. A season where you can do it for that amount of time. But it doesn't mean that you can't do it for no amount of time. Right? So doing it for ten minutes, 15 minutes, sitting down and allowing yourself that even just an example, is when I go and I'm in the pickup line picking up my kids at school and I'm stuck there, I'm just waiting, right. Doing a meditation, like just a five minute meditation in the car can do wonders for then how I show up for myself and for my kids once they get in the car. So just trying to slip in these little mini moments of self care, I think. And once you start to read the benefits of that, it becomes easier to continue. And then the other thing that I would say is to really look at how you spend your time, number one, because I do think that there are always things that we spend our time on that maybe are less important than some of the things we wish we could be doing. So can you make a trade off there, right? Like, is there something you could swap out? But also acknowledging and getting on board with the fact that you will never have all the time to do all the things you want to do. And so being okay with one thing not getting done, if it means that you get a few minutes of peace and time to yourself and know that it's okay that that thing didn't happen, I will get to it. But by showing up for myself now, it allows me to then show up for that thing later on down the road and to do it more productively and to do it from a better energy.

Shelby Leigh [00:09:00]:

Yeah, that makes sense. How often do you feel, like, should people start their week looking at their calendar and kind of seeing what they can eliminate and where they can add in little chunks of self care? What does that look like? I know that everyone has different methods of organization, but do you have a specific way that you recommend people do that so that self care doesn't get lost in a busy week?

Theresa Harp [00:09:19]:

Yeah, I mean, it certainly will look different for every person, like you said. But one of the things I do in my coaching is I have a three step process. The first step that we start with is looking at where your time is going. And so I believe that everyone can do that. The way that you do that might look a little bit differently. Right. So some people might sit down and look at their calendar. Some people might journal and just do some journaling about what they're spending their time on. Some people might do a time audit and write down everything that they spend their time on. The way that you do it doesn't much matter as long as you are honestly looking at how your time is being spent. So if you start there, then you can identify it helps you identify those little opportunities that you can add in or the swaps that you can make. But you do have to be really honest with yourself and aware of what you spend your time on, because most of us are very reactive. Most of us just go through our day reacting to what gets thrown at us rather than sort of being proactive and planning out our time. And so by looking at where your time is going, that can be one of the first steps to help you get from that reactive to that proactive.

Shelby Leigh [00:10:40]:

Right. That makes sense. Yeah. I always have my to do list, and then it ends up changing about 500 times throughout the day, so I'm sure that may be common. Hopefully that's common.

Theresa Harp [00:10:50]:

Yeah. And I really believe it should change because things come up and your priorities change and all of that. So there's nothing wrong with that.

Shelby Leigh [00:11:00]:

Right. That makes sense. So you mentioned that first step of your process, and we always give our listeners like, a small step to take with them each week. So I feel like that's a good one to look at your schedule and where you're spending your time and kind of analyze that, see if there's anything you can take off of the to do list. Is there anything else that comes to mind, just like, top tips in this area of time management, especially in the face of anxiety or depression or anything like that, that you would recommend our listeners do as a small step?

Theresa Harp [00:11:29]:

Sure. One question that you can ask yourselves is, what do I need most right now? Not what do I want most? Not what do I need to get done most? It's just pausing and asking yourself, what do I need most right now? And in some cases, that might be something on your list that you want to get done, and that's okay. That might be what you need to do, and that's okay. But other times, if you really sit down and get quiet and think about that question, I believe your gut will tell you your intuition will lead you, and sometimes the answer will be, I need rest, or I need quiet, or I need five minutes, I need fresh air, whatever that is. So ask yourself that question, what do I need right now? And listen to the answer and let the answer guide you on how you spend your time.

Shelby Leigh [00:12:23]:

How often should we be asking ourselves that question? Is it a daily practice or weekly? Or what does that look like?

Theresa Harp [00:12:29]:

I think it should be as often as you need to without it becoming an added stress. Right. Like, there's always that fine line of like, oh, I have to do this, and now I have to ask myself, what do I need? And then it backfires. But really, I would say to start out, ask yourself that question when you start to sense those moments during your day or your week where you feel that anxiety coming up. And for those who have experienced anxiety, and I'm sure most of your listeners know what I'm talking about, where does it show up in your body? Where does it show up? How does it feel? And so when you start to feel that physically in your body, that's a big indicator that that is when you should be asking yourself that question. Right. I would also suggest that if you start to ask yourself that question a little bit more frequently, you might experience less of the need to ask that question, like at the point where it's already too late a bit. If you're already feeling that level of anxiety, it can be harder to sort of get yourself through it. So if you're able to ask yourself that proactively, that might be a benefit as well.

Shelby Leigh [00:13:48]:

Yeah, definitely. I think it really takes practice to learn to listen to yourself before you're past the point of not that there isn't a way to help yourself, but when we're already feeling that anxiety build up or whatever those emotions may be, can be a little bit harder to tackle it. So you mentioned meditation as a quick kind of self care thing that you can incorporate in five minutes into a busy schedule. Are there any other sort of small self care tasks that you recommend that you do on a regular basis?

Theresa Harp [00:14:23]:

I do some breath work, and this was like a very uncomfortable thing for me at first. It came from speech pathology, and we tend to be very linear and methodical and evidence based. And so as I was getting into the coaching world, I was starting to open my awareness and of other ways that I could sort of help myself through different situations. So breath work is an easy one that I can do whenever. I also do a lot of visualization, so I will just sort of close my eyes, visualize how I want to show up, or visualize something that brings me calm. I worked with a coach once who had me think of what my calm space is. So what does that look like? Is it a room? Is it inside, is it outside? And really just describe it in detail. And then once you have that picture of that space, then use that as your anchor so that when you get throughout your day, you need a break. You can close your eyes, you can visualize it. Those are probably the most frequent ones that I turn to because they're so quick and easy. You don't need anything, and a lot of times you can do them without anyone really even knowing that you're doing it. And it can help you to sort of come and center yourself so that you can carry on with what you need or want to do that day.

Shelby Leigh [00:15:48]:

Yeah, that's great. Do you follow any meditation videos or like breath work videos? Are there any resources that you could direct our listeners to? It's okay if not, but I'm just.

Theresa Harp [00:16:00]:

Curious honestly, I don't I mean, if to answer completely honestly, I use the Peloton. I have the Peloton app and they have a whole section of meditations and I love them because they go from as short as five minutes up to like 30. And for me, I wasn't always good at meditation, but when I was able to find the amount of time that worked for me, that helped. And when I allowed myself to lay down instead of sitting, that made a huge difference for me. So I guess my point there is, again, sort of thinking outside the box and redefining what you think it should look like and allow yourself to try it in a way that works best for you.

Shelby Leigh [00:16:43]:

We've had a few people talk about meditation on this podcast and mention that it's very difficult starting off and then they get better at it. And I'm waiting, I'm waiting for my day where I can say that I'm better at it.

Theresa Harp [00:16:56]:

Have you tried laying down? Maybe that'll be maybe that'll be it for you.

Shelby Leigh [00:17:00]:

Yeah, I need to try that more. I do feel like I'm normally sitting or like laying in bed, but I'm still kind of up. So that'll be my next task, is trying it laying down. Yeah.

Theresa Harp [00:17:10]:

I'm curious how it goes for you.

Shelby Leigh [00:17:12]:

Yeah, awesome. We've covered a lot. Is there anything else that you feel like our listeners should know about time management or anything else you wanted to chat about today?

Theresa Harp [00:17:21]:

I think the last thing that I will leave everyone with is to think about your relationship, not just with yourself, because I know you cover that a lot, but also your relationship with time. And do you feel like time is your enemy, that you never have enough of it? Do you feel like you're always racing against the clock? Do you feel like you have all the time you need for what has to get done? And then this question, do you feel and believe that you're worthy of your time? I think so many of us don't believe that we're worthy of spending time on ourselves. And if you really get open with that question, I think it will allow your listeners to start to take some steps to be able to use the time that they have, because especially us moms, we are martyrs. Like, we think that we have to do everything for everyone, and we're last. But you're worthy of your time. You count, too. So think about that a little bit, and that might help your listeners to just be more intentional about what they're spending their time on.

Shelby Leigh [00:18:32]:

That's a great question. Very powerful. I'm going to do some journaling on that later, I think, because I love that question. Yeah, thank you.

Theresa Harp [00:18:39]:

I love that question, too. Absolutely. You're welcome.

Shelby Leigh [00:18:42]:

Where can people find you if they want to learn more about you and the work that you do?

Theresa Harp [00:18:47]:

Yeah, so I have a podcast. The name of the podcast is the Timetamers Podcast. It's on all the platforms. My website is www.thetimetamers.com, and I also have a free Facebook group where I give a bunch of tips and challenges and things like that. And the name of the Facebook group is the Timetamers.

Shelby Leigh [00:19:09]:

Awesome. Thank you for sharing. I'll have those links in the description of the episode as well, so people can click and find you. Yeah. Thank you so much for being here and sharing those tips with us. I hope everyone enjoyed the episode, and thank you again for listening. Have a great week.

Theresa Harp [00:19:24]:

Thanks, Shelby. You too.