Coping Skills for Anxiety: Negative Thoughts & Positive Self-Reflection

On this episode of Small Steps to Self-Love, Shelby chats with Laurel Osmer Cerrud about coping skills for anxiety, from mindfulness to writing to positive self-talk. They talk about the changes in the mental health landscape and how the pandemic has affected society's view of mental health, and more! Join us for an interesting conversation where you'll walk away with tips and tricks for navigating anxiety.

About Laurel:
Laurel Osmer Cerrud's,  LCSW, EDLE,  work supporting mental health began in 1997. As a clinical social worker, her focus of practice has been in supporting children and adolescents with challenges in their development or environment. Work on trauma such as sexual abuse and physical abuse have been a focus. This work has involved therapeutic assessments and play therapy interventions. Beyond this, supporting young people with the challenges of Depression and Anxiety with Cognitive Behavioral approaches has also been a focus.

Her passion lies in supporting others to attain their goals and dreams, ensuring access to the tools and strategies they need to get there. She utilizes CBT and Mindfulness strategies to help with this process.

https://www.risingfromtheshadows.org/
https://www.instagram.com/poetswadminlo/

ABOUT SHELBY:
Shelby is a mental health author, who has grown an audience of more than 500,000 on social media who resonate with her work. She is the author of 3 poetry books, including her latest release, girl made of glass and her bestselling book, changing with the tides. Shelby also runs an online poetry community, and helps authors market themselves and their books for more sales.

resources from shelby:

·        check out Shelby’s mental health poetry books

·        Free self-love poetry print

·        Join the poetry club

·        Get help with marketing as a writer

connect with shelby:

·        Instagram: @shelbyleighpoetry

·        YouTube: Shelby Leigh Poetry

·        TikTok: @shelbyleighpoetry

Transcript

Shelby Leigh [00:00:00]:

Hello and welcome back to another episode of Small Steps to Selflove. My name is Shelby Leigh. I am a mental health and selflove writer, and today I'm excited to be joined by Laurel, who is going to be talking with us about anxiety, managing anxiety, and some really valuable tools and tips before we dive in. It would be so helpful if you took a moment to leave a rating or review on Apple podcasts or another podcast platform of your choice. Thank you so for helping this podcast get seen by more people who need it. Let's dive into the episode. Hi, Laurel. Thanks so much for joining me for an episode of Small Steps to Self Love. I would love to just pass it over to you to introduce yourself and tell us a little bit more about you and what you do.

Laurel [00:00:39]:

Thanks, Shelby. I'm so glad to be here. It's such an honor to sit and chat with you. I love all the work that you do, and you so inspire me in talking about mental health issues and just really developing writing skills. So I'm so pleased to be here and talk with you a little bit about myself. My background actually is in mental health, and so the writing that I work on, some of it has been more personal reflections, and some of it has been really trying to connect the work that I do with clients and really, I guess, fueling them to understand how they can use writing as a tool to support themselves. So I started out in mental health a very long time ago. I don't know if I want to say what year. Yeah, I've been a clinical social worker since 1997, and I've really done a bit of work, mostly with children and families, supporting children from ages like two to, I guess, into their early 20s when they're considered to be adults at that point. Yeah. So I started out doing that in the private sector, supporting young people who've had some more traumatic experiences in their life, some abuse experiences, and then I moved into the school system and supporting children, I guess, a little bit in their social and their emotional development, but within the school setting. So that's a little bit different. And that really our focus, is making sure that kids are able to be ready to learn. So, yeah, so I've been doing it for a bit of time, but I feel like it's always a learning and changing process. I'm always learning myself from all of the children and families that I encounter. So it's a growth process for everyone.

Shelby Leigh [00:02:51]:

Yeah, I love that. I would love to know what caused you to get started in the mental health world and then also how you feel kind of about how mental health has become more talked about, kind of your thoughts on the change between whenever you first started in 97 to now. I'd love to hear your perspective on that.

Laurel [00:03:10]:

Wow. Yeah, I think there's been a lot of change in that area. So, yeah, I started out actually, to be honest, when I was in college, I had thought that I wanted to be a journalist, which actually kind of, I guess, ties into my passion for writing. But then I was doing a bit of work in international relations and with language and so I had a passion for ensuring everyone had access to whether it be education or legal services. And so I did a bit of that work when I was in college as I was doing internships and some volunteer work as well. And I think as I did that work, I realized that I wanted to help and support people and I found social work to be a career that I could do that and that I could do that in many different realms. So not just in one area. Clinical social workers work in a variety of different areas, from clinics to schools to the child welfare system. So there's kind of a breadth of areas that one could work in and I found that fascinating that I could support people in different environments. So that's kind of how I ended up there. But I will say that I think today we have a lot more appreciation and understanding for mental health, what mental health is. And I think as a society, we've really grown to accept that people do struggle with mental health and that we really do need to support one another. And I think, quite honestly, the Pandemic has helped a lot in that way, albeit a very challenging situation that all of us lived through. I do feel like it's helped us as a society to realize how important mental health is and what we need to do as a society to support our young people and just, quite frankly, everyone with their mental health.

Shelby Leigh [00:05:27]:

Yeah, that's a good point. I didn't really think about that. I feel like I've grown up in a time where earlier on it wasn't as talked about, but as I've gotten older, it's definitely been a lot more destigmatized, I guess less taboo to talk about, which is always a good thing. But you're right, I think the Pandemic definitely helped. People want to form connection with people and community with people about this more than ever. So I guess there's one pro to the Pandemic, if there was a positive thing out of it, that's something. So that's interesting that you say that. I know you work a lot with anxiety and I would love to kind of know a little bit more about that and how it can affect how we view ourselves and our self love as well.

Laurel [00:06:17]:

Sure, yeah. Anxiety, I will have to say, just to echo a little bit about what you said about the Pandemic, I do really feel that even though it was a very challenging situation for our society, it did open the door to an understanding of how critical mental health supports are. And I feel like that's been a blessing in the sense that we're now more openly discussing mental health challenges and how we can support people. And anxiety is definitely one of those areas. I think that I see anxiety as something that's kind of on a spectrum of functioning. Anxiety is something that if we didn't have a little bit of, we probably wouldn't get up out of bed in the morning. The alarm clock goes off and we're like, oh my goodness, I have to get to work. So the anxiety of I need to function can sometimes be a good thing in a small dose. It's when it's kind of too much or overwhelming and gets to the opposite extreme that it is really debilitating for us and really kind of doesn't allow us to function. And so there's a lot of different ways to cope with anxiety, some of them more traditional medical model ways or some more coping skills that we can develop. But I think I've really been able to support people with anxiety utilizing some different coping skills. One is more of like a general exposure therapy type of technique, which means whatever someone is experiencing anxiety about, you give them a small amount of that exposure so that they can develop those skills and feel like they can push through them. That's the interesting thing about anxiety. To get through it, you kind of have to force yourself to be in that space with a little bit of that anxiety to realize that then I can do this right. Interestingly. I was just talking to somebody, a client of mine yesterday about this, that she kind of had this fear that she couldn't be on a stage or she couldn't be in front of a group of people and so she did it a little bit of that right? She gave herself a little bit of that opportunity and then once she saw she could do it, then you can tell yourself like, hey, I did it, I can do it again. And so that's kind of the premise of general exposure therapy. Like you do something in small doses, so then you've proven to yourself, hey, I can do it without kind of having an attack, a panic attack, which is what people who have great anxiety struggle with. And so if they do it in small doses, they can prove to themselves like, hey, I can do this right? So kind of doing it in small doses over time and pushing yourself a little bit more each time can be helpful. But usually you need somebody kind of just to support you with that. Whether it's just like a natural relationship person, like somebody in your life who can kind of help you out, who's either a really close friend or a relative, or if your anxiety is really debilitating, a professional person who has some kind of experience with that. So, yeah, that's one way. And then the coping skills that you offer someone when they're, in the moment, starting to feel like they're having a bit of those anxiety attacks, or some people call them panic attacks, kind of. What are you going to do when you feel all those thoughts racing in your head of like, oh, my gosh, this is just too much for me. It's so overwhelming. What are some strategies for that? What can you tell yourself like, oh, I can do this. I can get through this. So that some of those affirmations you tell yourself, and some of the breathing techniques that you can do to kind of calm your physical body at the same time as you're kind of sending yourself those mental messages. So the combination of some of those things, I think, can be quite helpful for folks.

Shelby Leigh [00:10:59]:

Yeah, that's really helpful. I think that, for me, something that I really struggled with was public speaking and speaking in front of a group. And I think that's a common anxiety inducer for a lot of people. And I don't think I realized how beneficial, actually, just forcing myself to do it in small doses over time was for me until I looked back and was like, oh, my gosh, I can just present to people now and it's fine. And it was something that I never thought that I would get over or move past. So I love that as a technique, I don't really think about how I can apply that to other anxieties in my life, but I think that that's really beneficial, and I can see the benefit myself in some of those areas where I've exposed myself to them. So that's really interesting.

Laurel [00:11:50]:

Yeah, no, I think public speaking is one that's a pretty common one. Another one is like, people who kind of don't like to be in larger social groups, that they get overwhelmed by being in a space with a lot of people that they're not familiar with or don't know very well. And I do think that if you talk to people about kind of putting themselves out there and it's not natural for them and it is anxiety provoking, but once you've done it, you kind of kind of prove to yourself. And I've actually kind of said this out loud. When I'm teaching people about their anxiety, I'm like, well, if you did it the last time, so now you can tell yourself, like, look, I did this. That could be your positive self talk, right? I did this last week, and I did a good job, and I was okay, right? And then the more times that you do that, it's like, yeah, no, I did this now I've done it twice, now I've done it three times, and then more times. It's like you're proving those thoughts that you have about your anxiety, you're disproving them, in essence, and so that then can build some sort of momentum. And I would agree. I have a little bit of anxiety around public speaking myself. And as writers, we often present right. And I have done some slam presentation lately, and I have to say that that has helped me to get over that a little bit as well, because standing up in front of a group of people and presenting creative writing, in essence can be a bit of a scare. But once you do it a few times you're like, wow, I can do this. And wow, everyone didn't boo me off the stage.

Shelby Leigh [00:13:39]:

Totally. Yeah, I experienced the same thing the first time that I read my poems out loud and in front of a group. It was so vulnerable. But yeah, really beneficial to share that in a creative space in that way. So that's awesome that you've been doing that as well. And that brings me to talking about writing as a coping skill. We met through writing. Laurel is a part of my online community called the Poetry Club, and I think that's where we first connected or met. And so I know that you also write poetry, but what are some ways that people can use writing to benefit their mental health? Is there something that you do with your clients that is beneficial? What does that look like?

Laurel [00:14:22]:

Yeah, that's such a good I love that. Yes, I definitely agree with you, Shelby. And it has been my pleasure to participate in your online poetry group because I've learned so much from those who are there, whether it be the creative elements of it or also, many of us are trying are working towards publishing our books, so we share ideas for marketing and ideas for connecting with each other. And so it's been such a great group to participate in. Yeah. From the mental health perspective about writing, I think writing is a wonderful tool, and I often offer it to clients. How they utilize it changes on kind of them personally and what they find helpful. Some people are reticent to do traditional journaling, for one, especially since I work with a lot of children and adolescents. They don't want to have a book somewhere that someone could possibly pick up and then read through. They're a little reticent about that. Luckily, with today's day and time, many of us have phones, right? And so there is like a notes section that they could also use. So I've had some conversations around that as it pertains to anxiety. A lot of times people of anxiety have a lot of these thoughts that kind of occupy their mind that are constantly going through their head. And when they try to fall asleep, that can be often one of the moments that's the hardest for them, because they're like, oh, my God, I got to do this, or I have to do that, or I forgot to do this, or oh, my gosh, this is something that needs to get done. And those things kind of linger in their head, and then it becomes very difficult for them to sleep. And so one of the strategies I've offered clients is to actually just write all that down before they go to bed so that therefore they know it won't be forgotten. They'll have it should they need it tomorrow, right? But it's not kind of occupying their thoughts because now they know they've placed it somewhere so it won't be forgotten and it's kind of released then from their occupying thoughts that they can release that put it on the page. So that's one way, one strategy that I've offered clients. Another thing is just similar to the group that we participate in, the poets that we participate with, many people use creative writing as an outlet for the things that they've struggled with in their life. It could be mental health, it could be natural occurrences that happen in their life, like loss grief and loss. Health could be relationship matters if they've had any sorts of separations, divorces or any sorts of tumultuous sorts of relationships as well. Writing offers an outlet to someone whether they wish to share it or not. Some people just like to close to heart and that's fine too, but it kind of is released from their thoughts and their worries and their feelings once they put it on the page. And I find when I talk to clients about that and they try it, for many people, it clicks very well and they'll come back and they'll tell me, they're like, wow, I'm doing it every day. And I do feel like it's releasing these worries I have and I feel a lot calmer and not as worried or not as sad because I've been able to release these feelings and thoughts onto the page. So yeah, I think it's a great tool for many, for sure.

Shelby Leigh [00:18:23]:

Yeah, it's been so beneficial for me. I love this conversation just because all of that is very much me. I journal before bed, get everything out on the paper before I try to go to bed. Sometimes I still have those ruminating thoughts, but it definitely helps to just get things on a page. And of course, I use poetry to navigate a lot of the mental health things that I'm feeling too. And I can't recommend it enough, whether it's journaling or speaking into your phone and just like talking it out and just sharing that and knowing that no one else has to read it either. It can be just for you, I think is really beneficial too. So I love that you are encouraging that with your clients and encouraging that for our listeners as well.

Laurel [00:19:04]:

Yeah, no, and I think also some people also appreciate doing that through reading as well. Shelby there is kind of that connection between reading and writing. So definitely in the therapeutic community, we talk about bibliotherapy or the use of certain books as also a methodology for talking through worries, concerns. And so, particularly when I'm working with younger people with children, books are often a great way to talk about whether it be some sort of mindfulness techniques to teach about those or to teach about different moods that one might have. Books are also a great way to do that as well. So there is that connection. Of course, as writers, we often produce the books, right. But those books also can be helpful and therapeutic as well for clients.

Shelby Leigh [00:20:04]:

Yeah, that's a great note. That's awesome. I definitely am a huge reader myself and used them, I feel like as I don't want to use the word escape, but just like they really helped me navigate things, take my mind off of my worries and things like that as a child a lot and teenager growing up and stuff. So I love that that's beneficial as well for your mental health too.

Laurel [00:20:28]:

I think what works for one person isn't always the same as what works for somebody else. And so certainly there's a lot of different techniques out there. I'm a big supporter of mindfulness techniques too. So as far as therapeutic techniques, I've been trained in cognitive behavioral therapy, which is supposed to be one of the best indicated interventions for depression and anxiety. But there is a lot of evidence too, around mindfulness and integrating mindfulness into the CBT work and as a coping skill. And I think that particularly for anxiety, the breathing and the meditation piece of that is so helpful for folks to be able to calm their physical body. Of course, I think you know this a little bit about me, Shelby, since we've had some interaction, but I'm a big believer in nature and how nature also can calm the body, the physical body and the mind as well. Getting out in nature and really being able to just not focus on anything except the trees blowing and the sunshine and taking in fresh air is definitely also very helpful as far as mental health.

Shelby Leigh [00:21:56]:

Absolutely great advice. So many techniques I feel like covered and tips as well. If you could, say, one small step for people to take this week out of everything we've covered or maybe something new, what would you recommend people do this week for their self love?

Laurel [00:22:15]:

That's a good one, right? You know what? The first thing is that I usually actually offer to clients the first time I ever meet with them because I feel like sometimes we get caught a lot in negative spaces, and we think a lot about the things that are not going well or the things that are going wrong. And that often brings us to look for help or to seek support. So one of the first things I generally ask clients or a tip that I offer them is to when they get up in the morning. When you get up in the morning and you're brushing your teeth and you're kind of looking in your mirror and you're brushing your teeth, you have all these messages that you say to yourself in your head, not out loud, of course. As you're starting your day, you might notice that you don't think your hair is the way you want it to be, or you might be sending these messages to yourself as you're brushing your teeth. So I encourage clients to engage in this technique of telling themselves ten positive things in the mirror every morning from the get go, from when I start working with them. It's not an easy thing to do, actually, believe it or not. And I always say, I'm giving you a break on that if you don't do it every day and, like, ten things, don't worry. Whenever you're starting a new habit, it takes time to learn it and to implement. It usually takes a minimum of six weeks, actually, to do any to create any habit. But anyway, I ask them to do that because I want them to think about positive things about themselves. And I think a lot of times we get caught in the negative and just notice those things that you do well and notice what a beautiful person you are, because that shift from the glass half empty to the glass half full is really important in terms of any sort of mental health. And so kind of getting in the habit of saying positive things to yourself.

Shelby Leigh [00:24:14]:

Definitely, that's a great step for people to take this week and beyond and build a habit of doing that and thinking positively about yourself. Definitely a struggle. I think a lot of us hesitate to say positive things about ourselves or think of ten different things, too. But there are certainly ten things, many more than ten things about all of us that are positive. So taking some time to think about that is great. Really beneficial.

Laurel [00:24:41]:

Yeah, no, I think it's so beneficial because the minute we start to change our thoughts and we change our actions, our feelings then come kind of in alignment with that. So any steps that we can take to go move into more positive thoughts or more positive actions are definitely going to make us feel better.

Shelby Leigh [00:25:03]:

Overall, this has been so beneficial. Thank you for all of the strategies and the tips that you've shared. If people want to learn more about you, where can they find you?

Laurel [00:25:13]:

Oh, yeah. So actually, I've been learning so much from you, Shelby, actually, honestly, about being online. But yeah, I actually created a website for myself some time ago, and that's called Risingfishadows.org. And so that's just a personal website. I have some creative elements of poetry, reflective poetry, but it also has just basic information, mental health information, and my contact information in my bio as well. I also work for a clinic called Mindful One Therapy, and that's located in McLean, Virginia, and it has its own website as well. So if you wanted to look myself up or any of the clinicians I work with, that's also a helpful location. And then, of course, as good writers as we are, we all have an Instagram, right? And so I'm really working on that. Shelby has been trying to help me, and so mine is called Poetsw Admin, Lo, and that's because I'm a poet, a social worker, an administrator, and Lo is my initials. Nice.

Shelby Leigh [00:26:28]:

I was wondering about that.

Laurel [00:26:29]:

Yeah, that's where all that comes from. Kind of an integration of who I am. So I'd love to have more followers there as I share some of the information about Mindfulness and CBT and creative writing as well. I kind of integrate those things there.

Shelby Leigh [00:26:48]:

Awesome. Wonderful. Thank you for sharing that. And I'll have those linked in the description as well, so people can find them easier. But yeah. Thank you so much for this wonderful conversation and spending 30 minutes with me to share all of these wonderful tips. I really appreciate it.

Laurel [00:27:03]:

No problem. It's been my pleasure. Thank you for inviting me.

Shelby Leigh [00:27:06]:

Shelby thank you. And I hope everyone has a wonderful week filled with self love and compassion and kindness, and I'll talk to you next week.